(Per)NaNoWriMo Meme, Day 6

Day 6 - What is your one biggest stressor related to forcing yourself to write at least 50,000 words in a span of 30 days?

Distractions and obligations. These two tag-team me into submission, sometimes. Not this month. I'm determined, not this month...

(Per)NaNoWriMo Meme, Days 3, 4, & 5

Day 3 - Pick one of your female characters.  Introduce your readers to her, from her point of view and her words only.

Well I could use Greyblade for this meme (‘cause I love her and stuff), but she gets a lot of my time devoted to her already. Perhaps I should use Sky or Chloe… sorry, in text conversation with self. Gotta stop doing that…

Greetings. I’m Greyblade. Yes I chose that name myself. I was 5. Give me a break. Besides I like that name.

I suppose you want me to rant about myself. Don’t get me wrong. I can talk. About myself? Adequately. But blathering ‘bout me isn’t my style. So let’s keep this succinct, eh?

 I’m a young girl. Or rather, I appear as a young girl. Me? Inside? God knows.

I am a compilation. A composite of many. But I am one. Thousands of years of others’ minds, in taken into my own. But I am my own. Or so I like to believe…

You see? This is just asking for it. Complicated. Convoluted. But that aside.

My past is peculiar, my present particularly so. I shan’t go into detail; you’ll find out more later, I’m certain. Well ain’t this peachy? Me, chatting about myself, when really, I can say nothing. Nothing at all… nothing that make’s any sense, blech. But whatever.

I’m at least a century old. My mind is older, my body younger. I have a sister. Two actually. But I don’t talk about the other one.

I’m here out of choice. Don’t think for a moment that choice isn’t rescindable. And don’t think for a moment that I will rescind it. Point is I’m here. And for now, I’mm here to stay. God save the Cosmos.

Day 4 - What genre is your novel?  Why did you pick it?

It’s a bit of a genre buster (which I’m sort of proud of), so I’ll just list the elements: Science Fiction (the main, I suppose), Fantasy, High Fantasy (shades), Psychological Analysis/Thriller, Mystery?, Interpersonal (whatever the heck that is), Religion and Spirituality, it’s got some humor, some horror, some mental unraveling, etc., etc. I picked it…actually it really just happened. I knew it’d be a bit of all these things because these things just kind of happen when I write stuff.

Day 5 - Name two songs from your playlist that you feel are connected with your novel in some way, and explain how they are.

This one is tricky… I could use two character ones or one that works for the whole story…

In text conversation with self, again, sorry.

Well, I think Midnight and I by White Rabbit works particularly well because it not only expresses Greyblade’s personality (unsettling, ambiguous, dark, and alone), but it also expressed the creepier, more horrific side to my story. To the darkness inside ones heart, to the shadows that come to life and lurk about in the silent gloom. To the things that go bump in the night. It expressed the shadows that paint the blackest part of the world in my mind. And yet, simultaneously, it expressed the goodness wrapped up in all of this darkness, as there is goodness locked away inside of Greyblade’s stony, patched-up little heart.  

Falling Down by Oasis works quite well too, but with Jeck instead of Greyblade. Jeck is a sorrowed, broken young man, aged beyond his time and suffering from his past well into his future. The brokenness, the desperation, and the vulnerability coupled with wry hope and incredible strength of will are expressed quiet well through this song. There’s warmth and epic sense to it, contrasted by glacial lyrics and a despairing rawness of tone. It’s beautiful for Jeck’s character, and beautiful for the story.

Often I have struggled with the concern that I am a character first person and skimp on the plot. Well I can say truthfully that I’ve invested a lot in these characters; they are some of the most complex, fully developed, and (dare I say) real characters I’ve written. And I find no shame in that. They do not steal from the story, they are the story. The plot is an irrevocable part of them. And it is full and complex in its own right, both aside from and because of them. And I am satisfied.

I also take comfort in knowing that I can both write plot much better that I first supposed, I can write character even better than I ever believed, and that I can indeed, veritably write. And in this, I am more than satisfied. I am blessed.

(Per)NaNoWriMo Meme, Days 1&2

I decided to do the NaNo meme, simply becuase you can't go and stalk me on NaNoWriMo so I thought I should keep you involved somehow.

Since my word count is shamefully low right now, I will begin posting the count tomorrow. ;P Yeah, I'm devious. XD

So, here goes:

Day 1 - Have you participated in NaNoWriMo before?

Yes, twice now.

If so, which years and what end result? 

First Year: 2011

Result:  WIN, 50000+

Second Year: 2012

Result: ...-_- (11000+)

If not (or even if so, for that matter), what’s your connection to writing? 

I've just always been good at it, attuned to it, ever since I was freed from the shackles of good grammar (take that Shirly English!*). And I've always created stories in my head, ever since I could form proper thought.

Why do you want to participate this year?

I just have a drive to write. And I can’t seem to fight it. I feel incomplete when I’m not... And the year before this one was super good for me spiritually. I was hoping for the same, I guess...

Day 2 – What’s the title of your story? 

Right now? The working title: The Deviant Begotten of God.

Why did you choose the name you did?

It’s about the contrary children of God. I’m still not sure I like the title, but it did fit.

 

*I think it's only fair to my mom and grammar and such that I do owe Shirly English for much of my understanding of grammar. It did, however, stifle my 2nd grade self and nearly instill loathing and frustration with reading and writing in all its forms. I was simply bored and not encouraged to create on my own, nor was I introduced to good (or fun) literature during this period, and as I can attest to, my friends, this is not the way to teach a subject. Any subject. Ever. There must be passion and love as much as structure and rules. There must be balance.



PerNoWriMo

Well, if you've been following my NaNo journey, you know that it didn't quite reach its destination.

Which is actually kind of weird for me, because if there's one commitment to myself I take seriously, it's NaNo.


So i spent the whole day sitting in an internal soul shark cage, waiting for the disappointment and anger and self hate and disgust to come biting.


Boy did it ever.


I couldn’t even believe myself. I had shortchanged myself, and I wasn’t even sure how it happened. Life crushed the breath out of me, and I completely allowed it.

Well, I can’t say I’m past those feelings, but I eventually realized that God loved me and I still had my family and friends and my pretty things and all my life and my soul (even if it was a self-abusing little numbskull), and it would all be ok. I asked myself, how exactly would this be ok?

I stared at my soul stupidly, and replied that I didn’t have an answer to that, but if I know God, this is not the end of anything.

Then my soul remarked that it was certainly the end of NaNo. Troll.

But then I thought, wait just a darn minute! It may be the end of National Novel Writing Month, but Personal Novel Writing month is just beginning!


And so, ladies and gentleman, December is now Personal Novel Writing Month, for all of you whom life knocked off your feet in November. Same goal, none of the formality. It’s actually a bit more of a challenge if you think about it; you have to rely on yourself for the 50% +/- of the focus you formerly gave to the constructs of NaNo. I do recommend, however, that if you feel like joining me and all, you let someone else know, so they can help keep you on track and celebrate with you when you succeed.

50,000 word novel, here we come. :)

Writing Music: Space Lion by Yoko Kanno

Mood: epic, meditative, longing, ethereal, "laid back"

Type: Jazzy, chanting, mixed (basically, Yoko Kanno XD)

Scenes I've used it for: Right now? Just the synopsis (NOT against, the NaNo rules, by the way), just to get things going. Later, probably some more specific stuff.  Really, though a nice composition in and of itself, it's just a nice atmospherical sort of background sound. It's just got the proper kind of quality to it for my kind of story. 

Posting for Posting's Sake...

It is LATE. But I can't sleep, I have writing to do! I would sacrifice nearing everything for that. Sadly, sometimes my own impulsiveness and obsessiveness gets in the way.
*sigh*
Sometimes, I just don't like myself. I really don't. No, I despise myself sometimes, and it burns me up inside. My own skin scalds caustically into my flesh, flesh into bone, and sometimes I just sit still and wait for it to burn me all the way down to my molecules and atoms, and disintegrate me. Maybe it'd stop aching so darn much.

It's not like there aren't times when I'm positively manic with glee or truly pleased with being myself. But there are so many times when its just a dull sort of numb at best and at worst I just want to curl up inside of my shell and be gone (sorry, I've got TMNT on the brain* XD). I don't know if I have an answer to this situation. I really just keep praying and watching TV and reading and drawing and writing.

Yeah, just keep writing...



:)

*I'm currently craving 80's Cartoons, gritty b&w comics, turtle action figures, and pizza. Hmm, pizza...that would be nice right now...

Dory gif courtesy of this place over here and this one over there.

Pizza gif courtesy of this place right here...

NaNoWriMo

Well, since it's there and I'm interested (not to mention participating), I thought I might as well blog about it.

NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month, is a major event 200000+ writers strong, where authors and writers of all types, with varying amounts of experience, band together to write a 50000 word novel throughout the month of November. 30 days, 50000 words. It's really rather a smaller book, but a huge undertaking, true.  At about 1700 words a day, it's no small commitment. However, it is also a worthy commitment for any writer (though specifically novel writers, but not exclusively; more on that later) who's spirit is willing, but who's flesh is weak; who want to write a novel with all their hearts, but find it difficult to accomplish while maintaining the stressful daily life of the modern age. Or perhaps they just like a challenge, or need an outlet (or excuse) with which to properly write their full length story at last. Or perhaps they had a crazy dream when they were twelve and dove head first into a monstrous undertaking without a rational thought in their heads, despite having Lifezilla snorting radioactive flame over their singed heads and snapping ravenously at their heels. Perhaps.

Anyway, I would have liked to keep my own commitments, but I couldn't pass up an opportunity to connect with other authors and have a pretty little word counter dashboard on my computer screen. :) So I joined this site here and now I'm totally swell. Oh yeah. And you could be too. (Believe me, the site is quite useful; it reminds you of the commitment, you can chat with people and encourage each other. And there are numerous resources that the site offers to aid you in your novel weaving journey to the land of The Not Yet Written! [Okay, I really need to get to bed now...])

Also, now is perhaps a good time to mention the Rebels. You say, "Do I have to write an novel? What do you mean by novel?" Well, they define "novel" as a lengthy work of written fiction, but some people have ideas of their own---Graphic novels, a volume of poetry, a collective of short stories, etc. They are known as the NaNoWriMo Rebels, and they are just as legit as "normal" novel writers, but whether or not they chose to validate their novel online (more about that here and here) is up to them and the staff. I myself am writing other works alongside my main novel, but for the most part, right now, it's just a novel. I've wanted to write a novel, it's what I've always aspired to do, and though I love being a rebel and love poetry and graphic novels, right now, I'm good. But that's just me.

Motivations and methods aside, NaNoWriMo is the perfect opportunity for authors like me to chat, swap info and ideas, support each other, and go on a fantastic, insomnia-caffeine-and-adrenaline-fueled writing adventure, so if such a crazy feat suits your tastes (sorry the notice is late, but I've been writing a novel, you see...and of course, that little bit about Lifezilla...) then grab your laptop, typewriter, or pen and paper (or sidewalk chalk and a wall is good too. Or finger paints. Whatever you like to write novels [or novel-sized works] with) and join us!