Ok, hello everybody. It's your author speaking.
Now you're probably thinking "Golly, where the heck is she? I mean, I know consistency's not her thing all the time, but come on! A month and a half is really
, really bad, even for
her! Did she die or something?"
Ok, maybe you weren't thinking quite that, but something along those lines. Well, truth be told, I am ashamed by my late, late posts for certain topics I very much wanted to write about but found myself unable to do so. I do apologize and would like to announce that, while I may very well write these posts or some form of them, I am forgiving myself and moving on and plead that you all do the same, as well as I am going to ban myself from making promises; it (for lack of a more proper term at the moment) screws with my creative abilities. I have anxiety problems already (apparently) and it doesn't help, so, yeah no more promises. Oh, well, just one more, because here's the second and more important reason I haven't posted much.
With the exception of the encouraging music post, I didn't want to write anything about anything frivolous until I got this giant weight off my chest--- the
Colorado shooting. It rocked my world, sneaked up on me, and knocked me down. And I just never got back up.
I didn't know how to feel about it. I still don't know how to feel about. It shook me to core, and that's all I know. I planned a big long post, and then I planned a short one. But I've finally decided, I'm just going to write a post, express a bit how I feel, and explain how my life has changed since then and how it has affected the blog, then move on.
Well, I wasn't sure how to approach this, so I'm simply going to say that this incident messed me up more than I even realized the first time around, and the wound is still healing. My heart goes out to the victims and their families and friends, and to the shooter's family as well. And, and I know many of you may think ill of me for it, but my heart is burdened for the shooter as well. What desperation and hopelessness and bindings of sin would motivate someone to do this? What was the moment when he crossed the point of no return, never to look back?
I pray for them. All of them. I don’t know what to do about it. I still don’t know what to do about it. So, please pray, as I continue to do so, that God will reveal what he wants from me in this situation. Pray that it’s not too late.
(Note: Justsomerandomguy on YouTube posted a message that really struck a chord for me, and really sums up how I feel in many ways. [I do apologize that this is your first introduction to his videos via my blog, because they’re hilarious and he’s quite clever and I wish you could be introduced under better circumstances, but I still recommend his video concerning the shooting, so
here it is.])
Now, that is not to say that this is why I took so long to post, don’t get me wrong. It’s a component of it, because I simply had no idea what to say for the longest time, and staved off posting partially for that reason. The other reason for not posting for a while (besides me being extremely prone to procrastination, especially if I have no idea how to go about doing something), is that I’ve been considering the direction of this blog. I don’t want it to be just another feed of idle prattle, of fluff, so to speak. I originally began this blog to 1) express some things on my mind, so as to conserve and share them [I have so much going on in there I can barely sleep, you see], 2) make money, 3) to strengthen my relationship, and other people’s relationships, with God, not necessarily in that order. I don’t know if I’m doing that properly or if I’d like to begin another blog to blabber on about other things, or what. So I took a break, a depressed valley of a break. I’m still trying to figure it out, and until I do, this blog will be rather quiet. When it is all figured out to a satisfactory level, you all will hear much more from me. Until then, please be patient. I will post as best as I can. Thank you, loyal readers. I only hope I will not disappoint you.
~rrc
